Turned Down

It was quiet

in her head.

No noise

is good noise

The Price of Beauty

"How much for that one?" he asked pointing to beauty.

"That one," smirked the old woman.

"That one will cost you the best years of your life."

Animal Print Instincts

Kiku loved his leopard print coat

but it made all the other zebras nervous.

Mali however,

wondered if he could borrow it

sometime.

Faux Fur

The leopard was attacked and killed by his own Mother.

"I told him never to wear that zebra-print coat, but did he listen?

Nooooooo."

Tokyo Trip

She's going to Tokyo

with a penchant for raw, fishy meals.

But climbing Mount Fuji

May prove tricky in heels.

Thelma's Going to Gum

Thelma always gets a tiny tingle

when her dentist tells her to

'open up a little wider'

Holly and Dwayne Fess Up

After Dwayne expressed his dislike

for foreign and arthouse cinema

Holly told him she never really cared for rodeo.

Fidelio

He bought me

a gold, Venetian mask.

I wore it once during sex

I thought it would be silly to wear it again.

Snapshot Pilot

If he wasn't a wedding photographer,

he would have been a commercial pilot.

Sometimes he takes photos of brides on planes.

Freebie

"How much for that one?" he asked pointing to truth.

"Oh it's free. Please," gestured the old woman.

"Help yourself."

Dwayne's Unworldly

Holly is unaware of Dwayne's dislike

for foreign and arthouse films.

He's decided to tell her tonight,

right after the moonlight screening of Cinema Paradiso

Gilda Chisels Out

Gilda has developed a phobia of strong jawlines.

She is scouting around

for a new, slack-jawed shrink.

Her current shrink is taking it as a compliment

Betty and Rita

Betty is enjoying high tea

with her new neighbour, Rita.

Rita's luscious tits

are covered

in orange and poppyseed cake crumbs.

Apple

I am no better than the worm in my apple

I just have a bigger mouth

Missing

I miss her smile

and her missing teeth

more than she did

Betty's making Waves

Betty didn't care for pool parties

but the lure of champagne

and the chance to meet her sexy new neighbour

was too great to pass up.

Betty's Single Bed

Unlike her husband,

Betty enjoyed the benefits

of their separate beds.

Pleasuring herself without rousing him

was one of them

The Price of Love

"How much for that one?" he asked pointing to love.

"Make me an offer." said the old woman.

He pursed his lips and walked away.

Soul Mate

"I'm lost

and you have no sense of direction.

I know there's someone else out there

just waiting for you

to find them."

Foiled

Gilda's shrink's plans

for treating her latest phobia of car boots

backfired

when he was stopped

by highway patrol